Helpful Tips to Help Parents With Their Dating Teenager

Dating for teens is often not the dating that we as their parents experienced many years ago. Because of this, we often don’t understand the pressures and expectations they face. Hopefully these tips will help you both understand your teenager as well as establish guidelines and consequences to make dating a wonderful time of growth and fun for them.

How has dating changed?

  • Today there is a different understanding of what dating is… and it runs the gamut. When I grew up a boy asked you out, picked you up at a certain time, you went out together, and then he brought you home at a certain time. Now there is a range of what is considered “dating”. Now it is more referred to as “going out”, “seeing each other” and includes holding hands at school, going out with a group of friends, wandering around the mall, etc. It is important to not question this way of describing a budding relationship, or they will stop talking to you about it – and you don’t want that. The other end of this continuum is “hooking up” which implies sexual encounters, often very quickly into the relationship.
  • The expectation that dating can begin as early as 12 or 13. When I was dating, the standard amongst my friends was no dating until age 16.
  • An expectation that dating and sex are linked. There are a lot of assumptions now about this. Teen girls need to know that dating and sex are separate. Dating is spending time with a boy to get to know him better. Dating does not imply sex. Our daughters need to know how to set this line for themselves, and have a plan to get out of a situation with a guy that feels unsafe or uncomfortable.
  • There are greater concerns with increased drinking and drug use than there was when I was dating. Alcohol use makes people stupid. In 50% of arrests alcohol is a key factor.

How can parents approach the subject of dating?

  • Teens whose parents talk to them about dating, are better prepared and happier.
  • The important backdrop is establishing a close relationship with your teen, preferably from way back. Sometimes we can panic about things like dating and come down hard on the rules – without having a strong connected relationship. So, work on listening, spending time, being encouraging, as well as setting guidelines for dating. When a close relationship is in place, teens will be much more likely to take in your influence and advice about dating.
  • Try to be calm and in control of your responses. Overreacting, panicking, and controlling responses will just result in them shutting down and not sharing – and you want to keep the lines of communication open.
  • Dating guidelines and clear consequences need to be in a broader context of clear guidelines and consequences in other areas such as chores, curfews, how you treat others, etc. This will make the rules about do’s and don’t of dating more readily acceptable because they are part of existing training of standards, responsibility, and consequences.
  • Parents need to have clear guidelines in place about dating, what is allowable and not, as well as what the consequences are if these guidelines are broken. A written contract, which is crafted and signed by both parent(s) and teen can also be very helpful, and then there are no questions.
  • Parents need to enforce consequences, even when teens try to persuade them otherwise. A teen’s brain is not fully formed and in shape to make wise decisions until 25, even if they sound like they know it all. Parents need to be empathetic with their teens, and stick to the guidelines they’ve both agreed to.

What I hear about in my office

  • Many teens are not prepared for dating emotionally and practically. There is a lot of naïveté’ about things like the possibility of date rape, a 33% chance of teen girl experiencing some kind of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse during a dating relationship, and the prevalence of STD’s.
  • Teens often haven’t developed the ability to trust themselves and their intuition and the sense to get out of bad situations.
  • They often don’t have an escape plan set in their mind, and a way to let their parents know they need help.
  • There is a lot of alcohol use occurring with teenagers which radically increases the chances of being harmed in some way.
  • I also hear about some wonderful dating experiences that pave the way for great relationships in the future.

Some possible guidelines

Of course the guidelines set will be up to each parent. This is just a place to start your own thinking process.

Ages 14 to 15

  • Group dating only – things like going to a movie; hanging out at a friends home–only if you know the parents and that they will be supervising; football games; hanging out at your home for a movie or dinner.
  • Things like agreed upon curfews, them letting you know where they are, and if they change locations are important guidelines to make clear.

Age 16

  • Single dating (if you feel like your teenager is ready for this)
  • With curfew
  • With them letting you know where they are, and if they’ve changed locations
  • Meeting the date of your daughter is preferable
  • Not dating anyone more than 2 years older. This is because the rate of abuse and possible over control in a relationship increases significantly if there is more than a 2 year difference in ages. More than 2 years older is no big deal as an adult, but as a teen it is a huge difference.

Qualities you want to see in your teenager before single dating:

  • Are they responsible overall? (not perfect)
  • Do they show respect for themselves and others?
  • Are they able to stand up for themselves, and get out of uncomfortable or unsafe situations?
  • Are they basically trustworthy? (not perfect)

Where do you start?

Assess the above information and decide where you need to start. Is it:

  • Getting tighter on guidelines and consequences in other areas that have been lax?
  • Talking to your teenager about what constitutes a good healthy relationship, and asking them what kind of qualities they want to see in the person they date? Help them come up with what qualities or treatment they would not put up with.
  • Figuring out what standards you want to set?
  • Talking to friends to get more input or to process your thoughts?
  • Figuring out what consequences you decide will go with each infringement?
  • Talking to your teen to let them know about your thoughts, and coming up with an agreement together which you put into a contract to both sign?
  • Inviting your son or daughter’s girl/boyfriend over to get to know them better.
  • Work on building a close emotional relationship with your teens.

I hope this has been helpful. Parenting is challenging, Your teens need you. You can do it!

How Important Are Dating Tips For Teens

Following the right dating tips for teens can help to avoid strike fear into the hearts of parents in question. You have been around the block and know that things can fail in the game of dating. Remember, we all were teenager at once!

Perhaps you have in mind coming home weeping because your date became to be too aggressive, or made a notice about your outfit. However not all your dates came out that direction. A couple of dates were exciting, with appreciation and amusing from beginning to the end. So it is not all bad news.

Any time there will be ups and downs, and your job as a parent is to be there for your teen and guide them in that new fundamental interaction with their matches.

The most valuable dating tips for teens your kid will get at home. Young people found their outlooks on the model you feature. Long before dating tips for teens comes into their awareness, they get a line how their parents interact. Issues like respect for one another, assertive habit, compromise and privacy are showed at home between parents. When you and your better half have disputations, they are normally concluded in a compromise, with a bit give and take on both positions. Learning those social skills will help your teen in the dating scenery.

Come near teen dating confidently. Your basic goals should be giving supportive dating tips for teens without being importunate and going on keep them safe. The right dating tips for teens helping them to start in the dating scenery.

Promote double dates or group activities for novices. This makes it more easygoing for your kid to move into the swing of teen dating. A double date at the county fair offers both girls and boys the chance to be more at ease with each other and just have a lot of fun.

Both boys and girls have friends of their own gender to chat with if self-aware or uneasy feelings come up A group of boys and girls going bowling or to the skating rink is an additional good option. It will help them build trust in teen dating.

Teens are very sensible about the issue of teen dating. Be cautious to let them know you’ll always be there for them without furthering an atmosphere of importunity on your part. It is really important to respect their privacy. Sometime they don’t like to talk about every little thing. Respecting their privacy and sooner or later they will come to you for your opinions and guidance.

When the chance comes up, have a candid talk with your kid on some of the down sides of teen dating, and help them set up limitations. If they find themselves in a situation where drugs or alcohol are present, let them know that these parts lead to being taken advantage of or even being imprisoned.

Let them know these situations will come up and that they can feel free to call you whenever for a ride home if they feel awkward. Make sure to bring out that they’ll not be punished.

Put your best foot forward in applying dating tips for teens, and opportunities are their experiences in teen dating will be happy ones.

Dating Tips For Teens That Actually Work

Since going out on dates is a brand new experience for teens, it makes perfect sense for them to feel stressed out about it. Having no clue what to expect is totally normal, but taking a little time to learn some dating tips for teens will make the whole thing much easier for you. Try not to believe everything you learn from a dating magazine or watch in a movie, because they will point you in the wrong direction. Believe it or not, going fast isn’t always the smartest choice in the dating world. The dating tips for teens explained in this article will give you a nice, smooth start in the dating game.

Don’t Listen To The Media

Number one on my list of dating tips for teens is for you to forget everything you’ve learned from movies or read in teen magazines. You might think you already know how to handle any dating situation, just because you’ve seen movies and read magazines about dating. There’s nothing wrong with having this kind of reaction, but you have to understand that movies and magazines are created to make money off of you. The people in charge of media advertising take advantage of teenagers like you because they know you’ll probably be willing to pay so you can learn new stuff about dating and relationships. You’ll never see the media reveal the truth about how teens should act when they first start dating.

Tips For Guys and Girls

Both the guy and the girl are responsible for making sure a date goes well. Let’s start by talking about some tips for guys to use, and then wrap up this section with a few things girls should keep in mind. When they go to pick up their date, guys should always get out of the car and go up to the front door. Introducing yourself to her parents and asking if she has a curfew are a couple polite and respectful things you should be sure to do. If her parents have a set curfew for her, make sure to bring her back on time. Bringing her home earlier than instructed is a great way to earn a few extra brownie points from her parents early on.

Now let’s move into the tips for girls. Don’t stay out really late if your parents have set up a curfew for you to follow. Before asking for permission to stay out longer, wait a few dates so the guy has an opportunity to make a good impression with your parents. Our next section will discuss how you should handle those next few dates.

Take Your Time

You might label this one as a cliche, but I chose to put it in this dating tips for teens list anyway. It is much better to take your sweet time instead of rushing right into sex. There is a good reason your parents repeat this to you over and over again. Sex just makes everything more complicated. It’s better for you in the long run if you can learn to resist that strong physical attraction you feel in the beginning. It’s almost impossible to find something to talk about after having sex too soon with a person you barely know.

To Conclude…

The dating experience doesn’t have to be a stressful experience for teens. The dating tips for teens I’ve outlined above can make dating a fun and interesting experience for you. Instead of getting anxious and not knowing what to do, you will look forward to going on dates. Don’t forget what I said about ignoring what you read or see in dating magazines and dating movies. Another thing you have to remember is that both the guy and the girl are responsible for having an enjoyable date. Lastly, remember that if you want to avoid a truly awkward situation down the road, fight off your initial urge to have sex early on.